Note to Self at 2:00am

I got up this morning and found that I had written myself a "note" on my phone's notepad app during the night. I do vaguely recall waking up, I remember hearing something and getting up and walking through the house, and after reading my note I do remember it all, though I know I would not have remembered a thing had I not taken the time to record it. So, thank you subconscious, for making me do so. Here's what I wrote.

It's 2:20am. I just woke up, though I'm not sure I was really sleeping. I could feel that swirling imagery of emotion in my head, the same feeling I get with the remnants of a dream fading. Except there was no dream to recall. Is this feeling simply me entering or leaving my subconscious? Or was there a dream I was not allowed to remember? Either way it gives me something to think about... With or without answers, however, I was reminded of a few things.

First of all, I had this feeling. I was still not in full consciousness; my eyelids were heavy... I could only barely open them. Not that I wanted to, but I felt comforted by the view of my surroundings, even if I could only just make out the ceiling and the soft blue glow of my computer. I couldn't move, my entire body felt as heavy as my eyelids, yet in proportion. If I had willed it, I think I could have moved. But my mind was elsewhere.

I had a random flash of a Harry Potter movie. It was a part of I believe the 5th or 6th one, or some combination of the two. It was a part where Harry is seeing a vision of the snake move down a hall, but I could see Harry with his hands on his head, not wanting to watch, and I could hear a voice gliding through the air telling him to train his mind, because "the bond goes both ways, you know." That part I heard loud and clear. I was then shown another view of Harry Potter, this time from the 4th movie. Harry was talking to Cedric Diggory. It was just after Harry had told him that the first challenge would be dragons, and Cedric was telling Harry "mull it over" in the water.

Though I have yet to consider why this was shown to me via Harry Potter other than because it's familiar to me and easy to understand, I believe this was a message. I don't know if it originated in my cards or my subconscious; but I believe them to be telling me that the bond between my mind and the cards goes both ways, if I only relax and take the time to think about it.

The second thing I was reminded of was that in the last few dreams I've had, there has been a snake. Sometimes it's been a prominent player in the dream and easily remembered, other times it was a side distraction given nothing more than a passing glance or a fleeting moment of fear and alarm. As many things as a snake might represent, my first instinct was that it represented temptation. I will not disregard this instinct, though I may still study this creature deeper, in search of hidden layered meanings.

The first temptation that comes to mind is World of Warcraft, and I can see why that might haunt me, since I once had an incredibly horrible addiction to the game and I have just recently given it a second chance while limiting myself, though I'm proud to know it doesn't always take center stage.

The second "Temptation" that comes to mind was more of  an involuntary chain thought exercise, and is the reason I'll be going back to sleep with "My Girl" playing in my head.

There was a quiet pulsating sound in my head as well when I was truly awake and able to move again. I'm not sure what it was but it made me uneasy, so I got up and walked through the house just sort of checking on things. I may have been overreacting because of the realization of snakes being so prominent without my realizing... either way, the house was fine. I did unplug the aquarium pump on the back porch though, as the water level is so low in the sump that it wasn't moving water. I'll have to fill it tomorrow.

I regret that I am still a bit jumpy right now... While in the living room during my search of the house, I felt... watched. I swore I could hear someone, somewhere, somehow... But there was no one there. Right now, sitting up in bed, I swear I just heard a thump as if someone had put their feet down on the floor, and a light scuffling as if taking a few steps but dragging their feet. I looked across the hall at the kids--I have an unobstructed view of them in their bed if I lean over the side of mine--but they are still sound asleep. It's this feeling of being monitored, not stared at or watched but simply monitored, that has me in this state of unease. I keep looking up at the hallway, as if expecting something to be there. Heaven help me when I glance up and something truly is there.

Except... somehow I feel like this "presence" is in my mind. I can feel a heaviness at the front of my mind. Not the front of my head; the front of my mind. On my head this feeling is actually located at the very top of my head (at the crown) and in the sides just above my ears.

!!!!!! Just now in an effort to use touch as a way to help me pinpoint this heaviness, I was running my fingers over my head, letting the sense of touch sort of "highlight" small sections at a time, so I could concentrate on individual parts of my head to detect this feeling. When I touched the very top of my head just now, it was warm! It was... heated. I ran my fingers back over other parts of my head, and they were cold. Not like, freezing or anything, but normal-- not heated. How incredible!

Well, I think it's time for me to go back to sleep, lest I miss out on the opportunity for a memorable dream tonight.

Sleep well, Dreamer.

I vaguely recall the heaviness I spoke of, both at the beginning and at the end. I recognize the feeling of being so heavy you cant move, or moving would be very difficult-- it's the same feeling I used to get when I meditated after doing yoga. I remember also the feeling of heaviness in my head; I had a headache before going to sleep and I had at first thought it was my headache returning, but I realized the heaviness was different; it was heavy, but not painful. I have experienced this before, though I can't recall any particular times.

I know of the parts of the movies I saw, though I don't believe I saw them the same way they actually played out in the movies. The message there is indeed clear, though I also don't know why it was shown to me via Harry Potter.
...I did not mean to type "also" just now. I was the one who wrote this, and so I should have said, "I still don't know", not also.
Perhaps it is the magic that is Harry Potter and that world of Hogwarts, and the magick of connecting to your true and inner Self.

I feel the need to point out that even in that small flash of Harry Potter, I saw a snake. I looked through the dreams I have posted the last few nights, and there have indeed been snakes in them. I don't know why this never occurred to me sooner. I'm not sure if there was a snake during my dream last night with my stepmom and the club, but having the snake in the Harry Potter flash still leaves me with a snake last night. I remember in my Ice Games dream there was a snake at the ice lockers and I thought I would find one behind the bed. In my Underwater Farm dream Mike had killed a strange, poisonous, yet non-aggressive snake. In my Walmart Trip there was a snake in the store. In my Boss Fights and Soup dream, although I was unable to see the boss, I know it to be a large snake. My Dragon King IS a giant serpent. There was a snake crossing my path in my Slenderman dream, and Slender himself seems to have black snakelike tendrils of darkness emanating from behind him. In the Dorm dream there was a snake in the dorm room, though I wouldn't have seen him while dreaming because he was hidden in the corner under trash, only his head poking out. This means that there has been a snake in my mind every single night since I began putting my cards beneath my pillow. I think this requires a lot more examination than just "World of Warcraft is in the back of my mind" though I do believe that has something to do with it.

I remember very well my feeling of unease and fear, and getting up and walking through the house. I remember hearing things, and turning only to see nothing. I am usually very good at rationalizing such sounds, knowing "that was the dog at the front door" or "the window in the kitchen is open and the breeze pushed the door a bit" but last night I couldn't come up with anything that satisfied my anxiety.

That song is still stuck in my head. -____-

The presence in my mind and the warmth on my head... those still amaze me. To have felt those things! I can't quite recall them right now, much like when you try to recall a dream and the emotions begin to fade from you until it's nothing but a fanciful story... I know I felt them but I can't make myself feel them now. I find myself touching the top of my head every time I think about it, wondering what it could mean. It makes me think of the flow of energy running through me, although I know I have horrible posture and my chakras are not aligned at all.

Keeping the cards under my pillow is doing more than I expected. I am still sticking to my new plan, to keep them under my pillow until the first night that I do not dream. They have shown me just how powerful they are... I have a deep respect for my cards, one they have very much earned these past eight nights. I think I'm going to study another card today.