Meditation Experiences

Last night, just before going to sleep, I decided I'd meditate. I was actually planning on doing it for a silly reason; I was putting my cards under my pillow and I was going to ask my cards if they had any cool ideas or designs for the purse I'm making. The components of this purse are very symbolic to me, and so I feel my cards may have some symbolic ideas for the design itself. I wanted to meditate to put myself into a dreamlike state, so that my subconscious would be the one asking, and would be more receptive to an answer, even once I let go of the controlled/guided meditation and released my mind to the dream world.

I say "controlled/guided" meditation, because I was doing this entirely on my own, controlling my breathing and my thoughts. I was in control of what those thoughts would be and where I wanted them to go, yet the images and senses I experienced would guide me toward the right direction. Like, my brain is a distant land, and my conscious mind knows it wants to meet my subconscious, it just needs to be guided on the right path to get there. I'm not sure if there is a better term for that, I haven't looked it up so I guess I'll have to do that sometime.

I began by closing my eyes, clearing my mind of everything, and only picturing my breathing. At first I was literally watching my chest rise and fall (in my mind) then the view changed to an overhead view of myself, but I was entirely shadow except for my chest, which was the only part of me I could physically see. I listened for the rhythmic in and out of my breathing, and although I wasn't sure what color I should be associating this with, suddenly, just with the thought of color, I began seeing yellow and a pinkish red; one for inhaling and one for exhaling, though I can't remember which was which. Slowly I brought to consciousness the rest of my body, starting with my feet and feeling each part of them, then moving up my legs, etc, till I was whole again. My feet were the only part of me I had to forcibly think about, the rest of myself followed naturally. I could see my entire self coming into view both as if I was tilting my head down and watching myself, and also as if from an overhead view.

Once I was whole again, within minutes of beginning this meditation, I felt a heaviness settle over me, as if someone had lain a large thick comforter over top me, but evenly across my entire body at once. This comforter not only laid on top of me but settled INTO me, becoming part of me, and then my body itself was heavy. There was a slight tingling sensation, as if a part of me had gone to sleep, but across my entire body, as if it was a part of that heaviness (that tingling you get when a body part goes to sleep, except 50% less "tingling" and 50% more "heavy"). Once again I'm not sure if there is a better term for that, I haven't looked that up either. I feel as if doing this on my own first, without really reading up on anything about it, I have a better chance of experiencing things more because I truly am experiencing them, and less because I read somewhere "that's what's supposed to happen."

I was shocked to see it hit me so quickly, I expected it to take longer and be harder to connect to, but there I was, just sort of drifting, my body heavy and although if I concentrated on a part of me I could feel it, I was... one. I was whole, though I don't think it was my body itself I was feeling this from. I decided that if I was going to ask my cards anything, I'd like to be in a comfortable place. Somewhere one friend could talk to another and be able to laugh and share things at ease. I felt a bit odd just floating in darkness--though it wasn't really "dark"... it wasn't really "light" either. It just.... was. It just was. So, I began to focus once more on my breathing, and see where it took me. I was brought to a beach. It was a bit chilly out, but the deep emerald of the ocean, the sea-foam green of the waves crashing against the light off-white eggshell of the sand... the sky was a light blue with streaks of grey and large puffy Cumulus clouds reaching ever upward. I could feel the sunlight at my back, and despite the chill in the air, the sand was nice and warm. I could literally feel the warmth radiating from the soles of my feet, begin to feel the sand itself between my toes; I could ACTUALLY smell the salt in the air, and hear the waves as they made their retreat back to the ocean, then rushed forward--gently--to wash up on the shore. If there was ever a beach I wanted to incorporate into my book, this world I was on was it. Though that thought didn't cross my mind until just now. =)

Anyways, so there I was on the beach. When suddenly, out of nowhere, someone steps in front of my view, and I was pulled back from this paradise into that "darness that wasn't dark" again. Everything seemed a smoky grey, not dark but not light. Light than dark, but not dark. I'm sorry, I really don't think I could explain it any better than that...

This person was a woman. She didn't seem to be wholly visible, though not transparent either. It was as if she was a sketch drawn on light smoky paper, outlined thinly in charcoal, but moving and in 3D. Okay actually the way she was in front of me and the way she moved don't seem to be possible at all, in any way I could describe it, so you'll just have to be satisfied with that description.

She had long hair that went down to the center of her back, yet it was disheveled. She seemed to be in her 40s, her face showed definite signs of the years. She had a crazed look on her face, and she was talking to me in a voice that I can only describe as annoying. She seemed somewhat rude and pushy, and she was apparently trying to get me to follow her, and although I took a few steps I did not initially like her. She really did seem somewhat crazy, and between her facial expressions that bunched her face up in unattractive positions and her bouncing around back and forth trying to get me to follow her, on top of her annoying and disrespectful tone of voice... I did not want to go anywhere with her.

I stood my ground and firmly told her no. I said that she had too much negativity surrounding her, and I would not allow myself contact or connection to one such as herself. I wanted positive influences and energy around me, I would ALWAYS surround myself with positivity, and I would not give in to negativity of any sort. I felt myself throwing positive energy at her, though I'm not sure if I was trying to push her away with it or surround her with it. She let out an exasperated sigh ("UGH!") And turned away from me stomping her foot, saying, "Fine! I'll stop! Geez." But then after she took a few steps away from me... she did stop. She just sort of... changed. Her hair was straight and healthy, her face had smoothed out and dropped nearly 20 years it seemed. She was smiling, and she was calm. She stepped back towards me till she was standing in front of me, and she seemed to be around my age now, asking me in a very pleasant voice if I would please follow her. It didn't seem like a trick of any sort, she did seem to be this nicer person, and so I began to follow her off in the distance, but we didn't get anywhere... after a few steps I found myself back on my beach, alone.

I glanced around and saw no sign of this mystery woman. I don't know if she was merely pretending to have been nice, or if my positive energy had transformed her that way, though after the thoughts I sent toward her, she did seem grateful. Once she was gone, I sort of "woke up" from my meditation, all thoughts of my purse-making gone at the time. Before I moved or sat up though, I concentrated on how I felt. I put my hand on top of my head to feel if it was warm, like it was the night I woke up at 2:00am and wrote myself that note; but it wasn't warm. I felt something was off though, and so I just ran my hands over various key points of my body and didn't have to search long. I felt that same warmth that I had felt before, this time directly in the center of my chest. It was located near my heart, but not off to the side as your heart is. Directly in the center. Does this have to do with the concentration I had on my breathing? Or the beach? Or this woman?

I don't know the answers to all of my questions; but what I do know is that I have a feeling I will be doing research on chakras this week. This is the second time a major part of my body, right down the center, has had this warmth, and I would like to know where all the chakras are located to see if they match up with the locations of the warming sensations.

I think I'll try meditating again tonight, and going back to my beach. Let's see if she comes back.

Made in Italy

I was just talking on the phone a few minutes ago, aimlessly glancing around the room as I did, and my eyes fell on the bottom end of my deck. I stopped speaking in mid-sentence.

There are three small words printed on the bottom:

MADE IN ITALY

I did not know my cards were made in Italy; this find amazes me and gives me one more reason to believe that these cards really were calling for me. With me being Italian (even though I have never been to Italy) it makes me feel as if my past and ancestry is reaching out to me through my cards.

I knew these cards called out to me. I knew they were right... Now there is no doubt.

Studying the Cards: Two-- The High Priestess

The interpretation given by my Everything Tarot book states:
When the High Priestess appears, she indicates that something hidden, or interior, is preparing to come forth. Or, that the person needs to pay more attention to his or her inner world of dreams, imagination, and intuition. She calls attention to the need to develop awareness of the totality of the person, the night side, so to speak, as well as the daylight personality and activities.
Usually, the person is ready to accept the importance of developing this part of his or her life, but may have been holding back out of fear or inertia.
Her appearance can indicate that the person is attempting to hide something that needs to be revealed, or it can mean that the person is too much involved in an isolated inner world and needs to reconcile the inner life with the outer one.
Psychologically, the underworld refers to the unconscious, or what is in the process of coming into being. In this twilight realm, of which dreams are a component, we encounter our inner selves through intuition and fantasy. The High Priestess is an image representing our potentials that have yet to be discovered and brought forth--our secret selves longing to be recognized.

For a reading:
You are experiencing a high degree of awareness of what I call "the invisible world," where inner change takes place before it manifests in the outer, material world. Your attunement to these inner, invisible sources is acute now, and you are in a position to take advantage of this fact. You may want to remove yourself, literally, from your day-to-day life in order to go deeper into your inner core and tune into your inner voice and spiritual awareness.

Description:
My book describes this card as representing that which has yet to be revealed, secret knowledge, the duality of life on Earth. It's a woman, serene-faced, usually sitting with a book or scroll representing the "Akashic records," telling of our past, present, and future. If standing, she usually has a staff and is pointing into the distance, another indication of something yet to be revealed. My card shows her standing, with a staff, though she is pointing with the same hand that holds the staff. Her other hand is holding something small, It may perhaps be a book but I can't tell. In most decks she is between two pillars, representing the dual opposites of nature (evil and good, truth and deception, light and dark, positive and negative). My High Priestess doesn't have the pillars, though her sash is of black and white ribbons entwining in the front. "The reconciliation of the opposites to those willing to follow the spiritual path of understanding universal law," as my book put it. The book tells that the Waite deck shows this card with a background of pomegranates, hinting at Persephone, who left the daylight to tend to the underworld... much like paying more attention to your inner "underworld" (intuition, imagination, and dreams) even if that means stepping away from your regular life for a while.

Details I've noticed:
On my card, the High Priestess first of all is set in a beautiful blue silk gown with a dark night sky behind her. Those dark, blue, night colors make me think of nighttime, and sleep, which fit perfectly with dreaming, intuition, and imagination. She has wings, so its message is one of the mind. She has elaborate decorations on her hair and face, and a purple pendant necklace. That reminds me again of the dreamingtt, intuition, and imagination; for where else but inside your mind do you find women accessorized so? She has some gray in her hair though it seems, perhaps alluding to her timeless, age-old wisdom. She holds a staff in one hand, with a magic ball on the end but the vision in the ball is smoky and unclear, as if she holds the key to knowledge not yet revealed. She is pointing downward, but you have to look to see that she is pointing at all, as if she wants to teach you more but you have to WANT to learn in order to pick up on it. She is pointing, which means she sees something or knows something is there, but I can't see it yet because, once more, it has yet to be revealed. Her staff also has an ankh on it, though my book says that a cross symbolizes the four elements and their balance; I agree with that symbolism, though her crystal ball is set into a crescent moon, so the dark side of the moon being more prominent is like, a warning to be cautious in what you choose to reveal at this time.
In her other hand, she is holding something, though I'm not sure what exactly. It might be a book, and if it's the Akashic Records than it's no wonder it's hard to see on the cards; who is every truly ready to see those things, and even if we could see it, how far ahead or behind our own time could we see or even comprehend?
Her sash is black on one side and white on the other, crossing each other directly over her center. It appears to be the meeting of opposites. She is standing on a crescent moon, which I'm sure symbolizes the same as her staff's moon, warning that caution must be taken when revealing something as-yet unknown. There are butterflies all around her on this card, though I'm not sure they represent merely rebirth and renewal this time. I think they also symbolize transformation. Accepting who you are, both past, present, and future, in both your conscious and subconscious states.
She wears a crown with a crescent moon, and a full moon above it.
So, taking what I know, I can say that by looking at my card, the night scene with butterflies means I see something from the inner Self being released or discovered. The sash at her waist tells me that this card is about your inner, "underworld" self meeting and fusing to your outer consciousness. Based on her book, she knows all. She has the knowledge you seek, both inside yourself and out. Because she is pointing, you don't know what she is pointing at, so there is definitely something unknown.
It's all about connecting your subconscious (dreams, intuition, and imagination) with your consciousness. Take control of them, manifest what you want and need in life subconsciously, and stay positive! This is a mental "transformation" stage, with acceptance and inner discovery.

Update:
Today is February 8th, 2014 and I am adding a small update to what I have already studied. I still view this card as representing our inner subconscious, the underworld of dreams, and intuition. This card tells us that something hidden is preparing to come forth, or that it is time for something to be revealed. It reminds us to search inside ourselves, perhaps withdrawing from our physical world to look deeper and listen to our inner voices. It is very much a card of duality between male and female, positive and negative, light and dark, subconscious and conscious, dreaming and waking. In my recent studies I have learned to view the ankh on her staff as a symbol representing eternal life, as well as representing the duality of male and female. This card ensures we remember to take what we learn from our inner selves and apply it to our physical worlds. I have also taken a closer look in her hand and dont believe she is holding anything, though the ribbon that hands off the back of her dress does seem to be hanging from her fingertips. Even if she is not holding anything, she still represents knowledge and understanding. She does indeed hold the key to knowledge and wisdom, and everything I said earlier about her pointing still holds true for me. I believe the crescent moon that is present in three places of this card represents three things: (1) the moon itself represents our inner selves and our subconscious, the underworld, dreams, and intuition as well as the feminine; (2) the waxing crescent represents things coming into being, knowledge being revealed, truths coming to light; (3) the crescent moon represents the dark side of the moon being more prominent, which cautions that you must be careful in what knowledge you choose to illuminate at this time.

Yet ANOTHER dream

I wish more of these posts were studying cards rather than linking to dreams.... So I'm going to fix that. If I want to read the dreams I've been having, I'll just go to my dream journal, My Sleeping Journey. I don't want to load my Tarot Journal up with dreams; that is what the dream journal is for in the first place. I will just have to label when a dream has occurred with my cards under my pillow; as a matter of fact I will actually use labels. =)

Either way, this will be the last random post just informing of my dreams. (Here's a link to my dream from last night).

Blur of Color, But Not a Dream

Well, last night was the first night since I began putting my cards under my pillow that I didn't necessarily "dream". Although I think it might be my own fault, I went to bed late and woke up early, and have been unable to go back to sleep, I think it's worth it. I went to bed late because I was laughing and snuggling up with my hubby, and I got up early and decided that since I couldn't sleep, rather than laying down till I drifted off, I would get online and start doing surveys.

However, just because I didn't "dream" doesn't mean I slept in darkness. Throughout the few hours I did sleep, I saw an array of colors and shapes and sounds and music. I felt motion. I was somewhere, doing something, I just can't remember much or pick out any particular shapes, colors, sounds, or movements.

I seem to recall something as if I was running through Azeroth in World of Warcraft... but as myself. That is the only tangible notion in a long string of intangibility that I can even attempt to grasp onto from last night. But in all the blur that there was, I don't want to actually label that as a "dream."

I think I'm going to try to study another card today though. Out of 78 cards, I would really rather go through the deck initially in less than 78 days...

Studying the Cards: One-- The Magician

The interpretation given by my Everything Tarot book states:
The appearance of the Magician in a reading indicates latent powers, yet to be taken up and brought into manifestation. Also known as the "Juggler," this card suggests that everything in the universe is spread out before us for us to learn to use correctly to manifest the results we desire. These are literally the basic materials of creation and it is the task of the Magician to handle them well, to manipulate and control them for beneficent purposes. This is mental work that affects the material realm.
Thus, the Magician shows us that what we consider to be illusion is another form of reality, and what we consider to be reality can be mere illusion. This is not trickery but a deep understanding of how we must learn to use our intellects, our intuitive abilities, our personal talents, and our practical skills in order to mediate between the two worlds, both of which affect us simultaneously.
The Magician is a card of power, for just as a mage, or true magician, stands at the center of the universe with the tools and ability to manipulate it for his purposes, so does each of us create, or recreate, our own universes within ourselves, first in our minds, and then in our manifest realities. This card tells us that our nature is one with the nature of the universe. It suggests that we have the ability to control our own lives, that we can manipulate people, things, and events--so long as we go about it the right way and for the right ends.
This card is primarily about self-development; as Tarot Arcanum One, it is the beginning of the road to spiritual enlightenment, the starting point. It does not say that we are already able to control our universes, but that we must learn what mode to use in order to gain our ends and reach our goals, whether they are strictly mundane or whether they are intended to stretch us spiritually.

For a reading:
This is a situation of new beginnings and new choices. It indicates someone who is willing and able to manipulate the situation in order to achieve the desired ends. It indicates leadership potential, ambition, desire for action, and new relationships coming into being. The tools for whatever action is desired are already at hand, as is the knowledge for using them correctly. This is a key point: any use of the Magician's power for improper end will backfire. It is a time to evaluate the tools you have at your disposal and relate them properly to your aims.

Description:
The book describes the Magician as almost always a man (as it is in my card) standing alone (as it is in my card) before an array of the traditional magician's tools (which it states in most decks are the symbols of the Minor Arcana suits). My card does have the four Minor Arcana symbols, though not in an array in front of him; instead in my card he is either holding them or they are draped around him in some way. He is holding a wand, although on my card he has both arms aimed downwards but held out to the sides; in the book he is shown as having one hand raised to the heavens and his other hand aimed at the Earth, symbolizing a connection between the spiritual and physical world.
The book describes that in the Waite deck, he has grape vines above him and roses and lilies below him, symbolizing a sacred drink (wine), purity, desire, the 5 senses, and proper use of arcane knowledge. His costume itself changes by deck, but he always wears a belt. In my deck the garb is somewhat... "viking" is it makes me think of. Ironic really, since I was led by accident to a webpage earlier today telling me of the Tesseract... and the movie Thor connected that Tesseract to the norse gods. The book describes the ourobouros, or snake biting his tail, an alchemical symbol for wholeness. That is not represented on my card, at least not in that way... my Magician has a coiled tattoo on his right (my left) arm. The book says he can therefore be connected to the power of healing through connecting the two worlds within one's self.

Details I've noticed:
On my card, the Magician is a man with long hair and wings. The wings I always associate with the mind. So he represents something inside oneself. Being that the card IS number One, it is a beginning. The "starting point" as the book worded it. The card before this, the Fool, represents the leap of faith and trusting in the universe to lead you down the right path; the opening up of oneself to the Universe with trust and faith. This card is the beginning of a new life once that opening has occurred; the starting point of a spiritual and mental journey. The Magician in my card holds both a wand and a cup; fire and water. Opposites that need each other. Yin and yang, perhaps? He has a pentacle and a sword hanging around his neck, giving him all four of the Minor Arcana suits represented and within his grasp. He has the infinity loop on his belt, and he has a coiled tattoo on his upper arm, his other upper arm displays a line with three spikes coming off it in different directions. Three aiming up and three aiming down. I believe that symbol to represent the coming together of the upper and lower worlds; of the spiritual world and the Earthly world. The coil might represent the ourobouros as other cards show, but the two ends do not meet. I don't think they have to though, since he has wholeness throughout his entire card.
He has a white dove below him, and two black birds above him. Black and white; yin and yang yet again. I don't think they are meant to mean opposites, but rather two halves of a whole. He is also standing above the moon, and he is illuminated as if the sun is behind him. The power of the night world, the spirit world, meeting the power of the sun, the source of all life. This card just radiates the energies of spirit and the physical world meeting.
As the book describes, he has all those symbols of knowledge and power, with all these symbols either being a part of him or within his reach, and so he is very powerful and knowledgeable. He himself almost appears to be glowing, as if he is magick incarnate; and using the elements (the symbols) and the power of the mind (the wings) he can change the way things work, to make them go the way he wants. I do not want to use the term "manipulate" because that word in general sounds wrong. He reminds me that we all have a power inside ourselves, and that positive thought itself can change our lives. If I look at him and not at the rest of the card, it almost seems as if the dove and crescent moon at the bottom form a flower; a pure, white flower. Peace and positivity. The black birds above him, I just noticed, are flapping at different paces. One has it's wings aiming down, the other has it's wings aiming up; this tells me that although they are different, they are both the same. They are flying to a different "beat", yet they are both black birds. Reality and Illusion, one and the same regardless of their differences.

I have come to absolutely love this card after learning about it.

Update:
Today is February 7th, 2014 and I am going back over the cards I have already studied. I still love The Magician card, and have actually found an interesting new thing to associate with him. On my card, he has a clockwise coil on his upper arm. In my recent studies, I've learned that clockwise (deosil) is symbolic of creation and positive energy. And since the Magician is all about using the tools laid out before you to create your manifest reality, I think it quite fitting that he would have a symbol of creation.

Note to Self at 2:00am

I got up this morning and found that I had written myself a "note" on my phone's notepad app during the night. I do vaguely recall waking up, I remember hearing something and getting up and walking through the house, and after reading my note I do remember it all, though I know I would not have remembered a thing had I not taken the time to record it. So, thank you subconscious, for making me do so. Here's what I wrote.

It's 2:20am. I just woke up, though I'm not sure I was really sleeping. I could feel that swirling imagery of emotion in my head, the same feeling I get with the remnants of a dream fading. Except there was no dream to recall. Is this feeling simply me entering or leaving my subconscious? Or was there a dream I was not allowed to remember? Either way it gives me something to think about... With or without answers, however, I was reminded of a few things.

First of all, I had this feeling. I was still not in full consciousness; my eyelids were heavy... I could only barely open them. Not that I wanted to, but I felt comforted by the view of my surroundings, even if I could only just make out the ceiling and the soft blue glow of my computer. I couldn't move, my entire body felt as heavy as my eyelids, yet in proportion. If I had willed it, I think I could have moved. But my mind was elsewhere.

I had a random flash of a Harry Potter movie. It was a part of I believe the 5th or 6th one, or some combination of the two. It was a part where Harry is seeing a vision of the snake move down a hall, but I could see Harry with his hands on his head, not wanting to watch, and I could hear a voice gliding through the air telling him to train his mind, because "the bond goes both ways, you know." That part I heard loud and clear. I was then shown another view of Harry Potter, this time from the 4th movie. Harry was talking to Cedric Diggory. It was just after Harry had told him that the first challenge would be dragons, and Cedric was telling Harry "mull it over" in the water.

Though I have yet to consider why this was shown to me via Harry Potter other than because it's familiar to me and easy to understand, I believe this was a message. I don't know if it originated in my cards or my subconscious; but I believe them to be telling me that the bond between my mind and the cards goes both ways, if I only relax and take the time to think about it.

The second thing I was reminded of was that in the last few dreams I've had, there has been a snake. Sometimes it's been a prominent player in the dream and easily remembered, other times it was a side distraction given nothing more than a passing glance or a fleeting moment of fear and alarm. As many things as a snake might represent, my first instinct was that it represented temptation. I will not disregard this instinct, though I may still study this creature deeper, in search of hidden layered meanings.

The first temptation that comes to mind is World of Warcraft, and I can see why that might haunt me, since I once had an incredibly horrible addiction to the game and I have just recently given it a second chance while limiting myself, though I'm proud to know it doesn't always take center stage.

The second "Temptation" that comes to mind was more of  an involuntary chain thought exercise, and is the reason I'll be going back to sleep with "My Girl" playing in my head.

There was a quiet pulsating sound in my head as well when I was truly awake and able to move again. I'm not sure what it was but it made me uneasy, so I got up and walked through the house just sort of checking on things. I may have been overreacting because of the realization of snakes being so prominent without my realizing... either way, the house was fine. I did unplug the aquarium pump on the back porch though, as the water level is so low in the sump that it wasn't moving water. I'll have to fill it tomorrow.

I regret that I am still a bit jumpy right now... While in the living room during my search of the house, I felt... watched. I swore I could hear someone, somewhere, somehow... But there was no one there. Right now, sitting up in bed, I swear I just heard a thump as if someone had put their feet down on the floor, and a light scuffling as if taking a few steps but dragging their feet. I looked across the hall at the kids--I have an unobstructed view of them in their bed if I lean over the side of mine--but they are still sound asleep. It's this feeling of being monitored, not stared at or watched but simply monitored, that has me in this state of unease. I keep looking up at the hallway, as if expecting something to be there. Heaven help me when I glance up and something truly is there.

Except... somehow I feel like this "presence" is in my mind. I can feel a heaviness at the front of my mind. Not the front of my head; the front of my mind. On my head this feeling is actually located at the very top of my head (at the crown) and in the sides just above my ears.

!!!!!! Just now in an effort to use touch as a way to help me pinpoint this heaviness, I was running my fingers over my head, letting the sense of touch sort of "highlight" small sections at a time, so I could concentrate on individual parts of my head to detect this feeling. When I touched the very top of my head just now, it was warm! It was... heated. I ran my fingers back over other parts of my head, and they were cold. Not like, freezing or anything, but normal-- not heated. How incredible!

Well, I think it's time for me to go back to sleep, lest I miss out on the opportunity for a memorable dream tonight.

Sleep well, Dreamer.

I vaguely recall the heaviness I spoke of, both at the beginning and at the end. I recognize the feeling of being so heavy you cant move, or moving would be very difficult-- it's the same feeling I used to get when I meditated after doing yoga. I remember also the feeling of heaviness in my head; I had a headache before going to sleep and I had at first thought it was my headache returning, but I realized the heaviness was different; it was heavy, but not painful. I have experienced this before, though I can't recall any particular times.

I know of the parts of the movies I saw, though I don't believe I saw them the same way they actually played out in the movies. The message there is indeed clear, though I also don't know why it was shown to me via Harry Potter.
...I did not mean to type "also" just now. I was the one who wrote this, and so I should have said, "I still don't know", not also.
Perhaps it is the magic that is Harry Potter and that world of Hogwarts, and the magick of connecting to your true and inner Self.

I feel the need to point out that even in that small flash of Harry Potter, I saw a snake. I looked through the dreams I have posted the last few nights, and there have indeed been snakes in them. I don't know why this never occurred to me sooner. I'm not sure if there was a snake during my dream last night with my stepmom and the club, but having the snake in the Harry Potter flash still leaves me with a snake last night. I remember in my Ice Games dream there was a snake at the ice lockers and I thought I would find one behind the bed. In my Underwater Farm dream Mike had killed a strange, poisonous, yet non-aggressive snake. In my Walmart Trip there was a snake in the store. In my Boss Fights and Soup dream, although I was unable to see the boss, I know it to be a large snake. My Dragon King IS a giant serpent. There was a snake crossing my path in my Slenderman dream, and Slender himself seems to have black snakelike tendrils of darkness emanating from behind him. In the Dorm dream there was a snake in the dorm room, though I wouldn't have seen him while dreaming because he was hidden in the corner under trash, only his head poking out. This means that there has been a snake in my mind every single night since I began putting my cards beneath my pillow. I think this requires a lot more examination than just "World of Warcraft is in the back of my mind" though I do believe that has something to do with it.

I remember very well my feeling of unease and fear, and getting up and walking through the house. I remember hearing things, and turning only to see nothing. I am usually very good at rationalizing such sounds, knowing "that was the dog at the front door" or "the window in the kitchen is open and the breeze pushed the door a bit" but last night I couldn't come up with anything that satisfied my anxiety.

That song is still stuck in my head. -____-

The presence in my mind and the warmth on my head... those still amaze me. To have felt those things! I can't quite recall them right now, much like when you try to recall a dream and the emotions begin to fade from you until it's nothing but a fanciful story... I know I felt them but I can't make myself feel them now. I find myself touching the top of my head every time I think about it, wondering what it could mean. It makes me think of the flow of energy running through me, although I know I have horrible posture and my chakras are not aligned at all.

Keeping the cards under my pillow is doing more than I expected. I am still sticking to my new plan, to keep them under my pillow until the first night that I do not dream. They have shown me just how powerful they are... I have a deep respect for my cards, one they have very much earned these past eight nights. I think I'm going to study another card today.