One Year Later...

It has been a year since I wrote in this blog. It has not been a year since I used my cards, though. I have taken them out a few times and reviewed the ones I have already studied, but sadly I have not had the time or emotonal motivation to study further. It has been a rough year, one that has led me over a crumbling bridge from a rocky friendship, crossing through rough waters of depression, and suffering at the hands of fate who have taken a dear friend too soon for my liking.

Through this all, it would be a lie if I said I haven't had a chance to study my cards--I've had many chances. But it wasn't until two days ago that I decided I needed my cards, and to continue along the spiritual journey down which they were leading me.

So, the other night I put my cards under my pillow, to reaquaint my mind with them. And I had a dream that I have not been able to get out of my head. A few of the details are unclear, but the parts that mattered are what I remember.

In this dream, I was with my old friend Megan and her boyfriend Chris. We had gone out somewhere, and they were taking me back home. She was driving, he was in the passenger seat, and I was sitting in back. The "home" they took me to was the house I used to live in back in South Carolina, one of my favorites of the houses I've lived in. My hubby was waiting for me in the kitchen. As I was getting out of the car, via the passenger side, Megan turns to me. We began saying our good byes, but she slowed down for a moment, and asked me... "Why?" I know there was more to the question,  and I think there were even a few other questions as well. But it was the word 'why' that stuck with me.

The past few days I have asked myself the same question. Why? ...why what? Why now? I believe part of me is ready to talk to them again. To slowly rebuild the bridge between us and rekindle the friendship. I've continued to ask myself why as I considered this. Is it because the loss of my best friend has reminded me that life is too short to fight and hold grudges? Is it because I miss having someone to talk to that understands me and has many of the same unique interests as I do? The biggest things to me seem to be the house we lived in, in the dream, and the fact that Megan was driving the car. Those are the factors I believe to be most important in my contemplations.

First of all, the house. It was--and will always be--my dream home. Aside from sharing the house with Navy shipmates and the fact that it's located in South Carolina, that house was sheer perfection. Living there in a dream indicates that I firmly believe I will be living in a house I like one day in the future, that I will be happy with my home. It's no secret that I can't stand our current living situation, but this year I was given the hope that one day in the future, we will move out of this house and into a house that fits our wants/needs.

Second of all, Megan driving. When we went to Florida to pick her up, a huge part of that was knowing that we were doing it not only so we'd both have each other closer, but also so she could have a chance at a better life. We were going to help her get on her feet, help her get a driver's license, a car, a job, and possibly even back into school for a better education. We wanted to help her form a stronger sense of self reliance, and be able to support herself and her kids as a strong willed single mother should. What had hit me so hard was that she went from one relatonship where she was being supported directly into another, and I was upset that she hadn't even attempted to rely on herself first. I was afraid that we had put so much stock into helping her, only to have her use it as a means to reach her new boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I was happy they clicked and that they were in love, but I thought they both needed to find themselves before they could really make such a radical life change. It has been nearly a year since we last saw each other, and it's not the fact that they are still together that makes me reconsider... neither is it the idea that I have no other choice--we've become friends with one of hubby's co-workers, and I get along wonderfully with his wife--no, what grts me thinking is that Megan has a job. She has taken a step for the better, a step that I have been waiting for. The thousand dollars we spent to drive to get her is not for a lost cause, because she IS, in fact, making positive changes! In the dream of course it was portrayed via her driving, but the idea is the same.

So now, here I am. Two friends down, depression playing games, and a long cold winter ahead. I cant help but wonder how the year will end. But I can make good use of it, and I know it is time to pull my cards back out. I could use a bit of spiritual guidance, friendship, and hope... and the idea that my friend may now be there to help aid in the guiding process... it's just one more reason I am motivated.

Tonight I held my cards, and went through the Major Arcana, comparing my initial thoughts of a year ago to my thoughts today. Tomorrow, I will review the ones I have previously studied. Hopefully I get much farther in 2014 than I did in 2013. May next year be ever better than this one.